Places to Find Replacements For

Sure, I'm going to miss people when we're travelling, but riding along the seafront yesterday made me realise there'll be places too. I'm certain I'll find better hotspots, but they definitely won't have the nostalgia of home. In no particular order...

Shoebury East Beach 

It's increased in popularity since I first started going to Shoebury, so now it's usually got a few people milling about and making noise even in the evening; but three or four years ago, this was my happy place. I used to finish work, in a job I detested, go home to a messy house with all my friends squeezed into it, who would all be drinking and smoking, playing games and laughing. Sometimes this was just too much for me - I don't like people, remember? - so instead of hanging around, I'd grab my kite bag and catch the train to East Beach; I'd kite for half hour or so, swooping over the odd dog walker, grab some chips from the Chinese chip shop, then go and sit on the stairs as the tide came in, eating whilst the spray splashed on my feet. Sometimes I'd take one of those flammable logs and hot chocolate and stay for a bit longer, just camping out on the beach. It was serene, and peaceful, and I didn't have to answer to anyone. There was an abandoned boat about 600 yards out to sea, and the tide goes out for miles, quite literally, so as long as you caught it at the right time, you could squelch along the sand and walk out to the boats. I kept saying that I'd do this little boat up - I loved it to pieces - but after the summer, I think they had a boat clear out because one day it just wasn't there. I stopped going so much around that time, but mainly because I'd found another escape - I found Nick, and his bike, which leads us nicely onto the next place.

Southend Seafront

Ok, so I know this may seem the same as the previous one, but it's not. Two totally different places, sets of memories and people. My favourite way of seeing Southend is in passing - on the back of the bike with Nick, with the sun setting pink or the moon reflecting in the water, all the lights flashing, and the smell of doughnuts mixing with the smell of the sea. On late summer nights, you can hear all the rides and screaming from Adventure Island, and just the energy surrounding you is immense. It always makes me want to hold my hands out and close my eyes so I can feel the breeze and hear it all and just soak everything up (if you're going to read my blog, get used to cheesey descriptions, thanks). I'm lucky enough to have only visited  Southend when the weather's been lovely; a scorching day with Powers and Jess, where she wanted to walk along this wave breaker thing that went right out, then decided it was too slippery so jumped down and ended up walking thigh deep in wet sand. She was the only one of us that didn't make it to the flag at the end. Then there's taking my little brother for a day out and both of us (he was 11 at the time) being disgusted at Adventure Island prices - it costs the same amount for entry into Thorpe Park! Admittedly on a 2-4-1 ticket, but you can always get one of those for Thorpe Park. We just scoffed doughnuts and messed around in the arcades and that was so much more fun. Then there's nights out at Chameleon and Mayhem, and the time me, Jody and Tobias left Nick with his friend in the club and walked along the seafront to the casino. We were dancing in the road and playing in the sand and left the casino with the same amount as when we started, and even though we were broke and sober, it was still amazing because we were just high on happiness (I told you to get used to it).

Thorpe Park

I only just realised that this is one of my favourite places whilst writing the last bit. I get the feeling this is going to be a long post.

I go to this place at least once every year! It's a must! If Alton Towers was closer and possible to do in one day, then I'm sure that would be included too and I'd have an annual Merlin pass. We're going to Alton Towers in September, I seriously can't wait, I'm ridiculously excited. I think I love this place because I've been here with so many people, so for me it's like a huge group memory; Siobhan and Jess where we had to go on the log flume more than necessary because we kept getting arms in the way of peoples faces in the picture; Jody, Aimee and Sam, where we couldn't save Aimee from falling head first into the soggy bottom of a rubber ring because we were laughing so much - it was a kids ride too, and I'd spent the whole five minutes of queuing telling everyone that it wasn't exciting, but it was cute; with Nick, Paul and Ange when Nick first passed his driving test - for some reason him and Paul decided it would be better to avoid the bridge and went around the Enfield way (Enfield is the birthplace of M25 traffic) so it took us ages, but it was so quiet when we got there that it didn't matter. Oh, and Paul hung his feet out of the window on the way home because he was hot - eww. Then with my Aunty Caroline, when the Saw ride first opened and I felt the need to get every picture because it was the first time I'd gone in years; with Nick's aunty and cousins, and we convinced his Aunt to go on Rush and she hated it so, so bad; with Jess and Powers when the Saw maze first opened and we absolutely shit our pants and I've been disappointed that it's not been open since. I really need to go here with my Mum and brother. Soon.

The O2 Arena

I've only been here four or five times ever, including when it was the Millennium Dome, but every time has been immense. I can't really remember it as the Dome (it was 14 years ago - I'm so old) but I do remember the Body that was in it; it was huge and I just recall being so fascinated with it. Then my first proper concert was here - Stereophonics with my Aunt - and they were brilliant. The supporting act were a bit angry, as all I could understand from their lyrics was a string of swearing, but Phonics were brilliant. Then there's John Mayer, twice. He was good the first time, but I'll be honest, not as great as I thought he would be. But he'd recently recovered from something to do with his throat so he probably wasn't feeling his usual self either. The second time was mind blowing! There was a bizarre collection of us too; Josh and his girlfriend who are into proper heavy, goth, screamo music, Ant who loves a bit of Taylor Swift, James and his Abba, me and my mainstream and indie rock, and then Nick with his rainbow of music taste, all in absolute awe of John Mayer with his mix of blues/rock. I think I welled up a bit when he played Gravity and Wildfire. I've climbed this beast twice too - 52 metres high, 365m in diameter and 12 steel masts... noticing something here? Yeah, turns out they didn't just plonk a big dome on the corner of the Thames, this shiz was planned. It's definitely worth doing, and I'd recommend it at night too - cities are so much prettier all lit up. Me and Jody did it at night, just randomly, straight after she'd had an interview so she was all pretty in a dress. I booked it up for me and Nick on Christmas Eve and they had a little snow machine going. Magical.

Nanna's House

Because it's full of memories of family; of quiet days having tea, of loud days with all the cousins crammed in, of parties and gatherings and family I don't know. It's somewhere with plenty of food, and it doesn't matter if I turn up uninvited because I needed a wee and was stuck in A12 traffic. It's where I'm always reminded I need to drink more water, and 'do you have sun cream on'. It's staying over with bacon sandwiches in the morning, and Chinese takeaways, or spag bol that my Nan seems to have an accident with every time. It's a meeting place before a Florida holiday. It's where I'm bombarded with photos of family or past holidays, and hiding in corners at parties with Dean and Haydn, discussing how much we hate people, particularly Londoners. 

Maybe it's not so much the places I'm going to miss after all. Maybe it's all the people that made the places what they are.

Travelling Companion

I think it's important, when you're travelling, to either be with someone you know you can stand for long, isolated amounts of time, or just go by yourself. This may sound mushy and sentimental, but words can't describe how happy I am to have Nick by my side.

Sure, he has his faults, like we all do; sometimes he smells, he has a lot of gas, he needs business cards that say 'Sorry for the harsh words I spoke out of hunger.' and he has this disgusting bone on the back of his foot that sticks out, like a velociraptor with it's hind claw chopped off. I'm not delusional either, I know we're going to argue; we're going to be tired, hungry and cranky, fed up of being cramped up on trains and spending hours in transit. We're going to get lost (especially if I'm navigating), and miss a train or two, and more than likely have something delayed. So, no, it won't be blissfully perfect, but at the end of the day I know he's always got my back, and I've got his.

In amongst all of the flights, trains, buses, motorcycle taxis (yep, that's our modes of transport so far) we're going to experience some amazing things. I'm only aware of a few of them - a Norwegian water park, the Austrian mountains, snorkelling in Thailand, landing in Sydney - but I have literally no expectations for each country, and it makes the whole thing so much more exciting knowing I have Nick next to me. It makes me feel safer, knowing he'd be there to hold my hand, or roll our eyes at each other over something silly, or avoiding making friends. I know he'd follow me somewhere adventurous, and lead me to a few places I'd be scared to go; he'll get me moving when I'm feeling lazy, and we'll keep each other going when all we want to do is give up and go home. 

So, no, I don't think travelling is going to be one, big, romantic walk in the park (you don't take 80kg backpacks to the park, for one), but I do know that I couldn't find anyone better, including myself, to be travelling with.

It's More Difficult Than It Seems

Today has been tough for me in general - hell, this week has been tough. We've got sale starting, a new area manager to get used to, and I feel like I'm drowning in things to do, but today was hard.

It's this poxy song from Nickleback, I think it's called 'Photograph'? It's the Friends one, that they play for the last episode? I'm using it as the background song for a little farewell montage, but if it shuffles on my iPod... well, that's it. I burst into tears along the A13 this morning. Then, when I got into work, I saw someone's resignation taped to the noticeboard and phoned the solus store's manager - and cried down the phone to her too. It's hard being a manager sometimes.

I think some people assume that because it's us doing the leaving, that it must be easy; that we don't care, or can't love people enough to stay. That's not true. It's difficult beyond words, and here I go welling up again. I have to stop myself clinging on to family or friends longer than necessary, or crying uncontrollably every time I see them, because I know these casual moments can only last so long and there'll come a time where seeing my family will be a huge deal. I know that everyone will want to come to the airport and that's going to be incredibly hard. There'll be my Mamma, doing her best not to cry and getting a little red nose anyway, and my Nanna just blubbering away in the corner, and my Aunty Egg trying to hide the fact that she's leaking tears. Then there's everyone else giving death-grip hugs and I'll actually be an emotional wreck. On one hand, I don't want people to come to the airport so their lasting memory isn't of me balling my eyes out, but then I don't want to deny anyone, or myself, of that last hug. I do wish Australia wasn't quite such a long or expensive flight away.

I really want to write a little family post, so that when we go and I give them the link, they have a nice little thing to read, but I think I need to work up some courage for that one. 

On the plus side, the goodbyes will be behind us this time next year and the hardest bit will be over.

Savings etc.

I know Zee, I haven't forgotten about my five influential books. I'm getting there, I promise!

Nick sold his motorbike last week, which I thought, at first, was a silly idea. It's a mean, powerful, sports bike, that's wicked fast and super exhilarating - if you like feeling as though you'll die any moment - and perfect for the upcoming summer months. He worked his butt off to get it, and is still paying it off now, plus he only used it for one summer; in my eyes, he hadn't finished having fun on it and I was certain he'd regret selling it so soon.

Now though, I'm thinking it was actually a rather good idea! He lucked out on another bike that, to cut a long story short, will only set him back the cost of registering it as a UK vehicle. Which means he now has £4,000 in savings! Woah! We could literally leave for Australia now if we wanted - which we most certainly do, but won't. Because we've got our plan and we're sticking to it! The more savings we can get, the better chances we have of making everything work for us. I've heard quite a few stories, actually, of people that have gone out there with the minimal amount of money, thinking it sounds a lot ($5000), when in actual fact, when thinking of the cost of living, is only going to sustain you so long. If we want to be able to enjoy ourselves for a little while and adventure about a bit, every penny helps.

Nick's also in high spirits because his savings are exceeding mine, competitive little freak. But it's ok, I'll catch up. Not only that, but I aim to be at a certain level within Herbalife by the time we go, so I'm still getting a small income whilst travelling.

To be fair, the thing I'm happiest about is the fact that I enjoy riding on the bike with Nick again. I'd forgotten what it felt like to not fear for my life, or constantly be working to stay on the bike after every corner - seriously, that thing was better than the gym! - and I couldn't remember what the mile straight looked like because I've had my eyes closed for the last year! I no longer have to crap my pants every time we pull up to a red light, because the damn thing had so much power I never knew if Nick would wheelie or not. It was that lack of safety, or trust in the bike, that really took the enjoyment out of it for me. Don't get me wrong, it was an amazingly exciting bike, but not well suited for a pillion. The new bike reminds me of when we first met and we'd ride around for the fun of it, and I was happy just to hold on tight and watch the world rush by. 

This day, next year... I'll be in my last week of work. Holy shit, I'll be unemployed for the first time since I was sixteen. I'll actually be leaving my store, I won't be a manager anymore, and it'll belong to someone else. They better take good care of it!

Friends

There will be many people and things I'll miss when we move, and sometimes they're almost enough to keep me here. If Skype hadn't been invented, I don't think I could manage it. For one, I would miss my friends immensely. 

Let's take Siobhan. She's so geeky, it nearly makes me cringe (in a nice way), but I love that about her. I love that she says what she wants to, and isn't scared to voice her opinion, even when it differs from everyone else's. I love that she's so persistent in everything she believes in, and I'm certain that she'll achieve everything she's set out to do. Hell, on persistence alone, I think she'd score a publishing deal before they even looked at the material. It's second nature for her to blurt out something weird and ridiculous, but it's also automatic for her to give a logical and straight solution to someone being, well, somewhat irrational. I love her for all of her quirks and for being weird.

Then we have Jody. I don't think I've ever met somebody so much like myself. She loves to have an adventure and isn't afraid of doing something new; if I phone her up and say 'Jode, I just found out there's a snowboarding place near me - let's do it?' I know that what I'm asking is actually rhetorical. What I should be asking is, 'When are you next off so we can do something cool and crazy, and probably break a limb?'. Yet on the other hand, she's more than happy to educate me with films whilst painting nails, and she's one of the few people I can shop with without getting annoyed. I love that she's a big juxtaposition in the idea of girly-ness. She lives so far away from me too; I have friends who live not even two minutes down the road that I haven't seen since Christmas, yet Jody is an 80 mile round trip and we still make that, I'd say at least once a month. Oh, and she loves books! She's a big geek too, just like me. There's a pattern here with my friends, I'm sure.

I have my Sandee too, and oh, what will I do without her? And what will she do without me? Who will she vent to about all of her issues? And who will have my back for all my little problems? She's my big sister; she's always advised me on everything, whether it be big or small, but most importantly she's stuck with me when I've ignored all of that and messed up. And there were plenty who didn't. Oh, and driving is never as fun as when Sandee's in the car. Screwdrivers is all I have to say to that.

Last, but not least, is Jess. She used to be my fellow adventurer, but she mellowed out when she met her boyfriend. It seems like they've been together forever now, so needless to say we don't adventure much anymore, but if I want an awesome night in, I know where to look. She's probably the most supportive of the bunch, probably because she knows where I'm coming from and how long I've wanted this. We had a crazy notion when we were in our teens that we'd save up a ridiculous amount of money in six months and then literally up and leave everything, including my current boyfriend at the time, our house and my fairly well paid (but shite) job, to travel Oz for three  months. Oh, man, I miss being mentally spontaneous. God help the damage I would have caused if I was rich. But Jess has shown me that you can go off the rails a little and land safe and cosy back on them again.

Then I have a bunch of other friends, that are by no means less important. Don't be offended guys, I just don't know you as well as the above, and that makes me a little sad because you're all awesome, yet I just don't have enough time. There's Lizzy, Jordan, Carrie, Tobias, Lou, Anusha... I won't have a Princess Aimee to buy me chicken bakes in Oz. Do they even have Greggs over there? ... No! I may as well un-pack my bags right now then! I'd miss all the guys from work; Tracey with her 1,000 decibel voice and Margi with her infinite wisdom; Laura with all her drama and best intentions, and Hayley and Emily who are just the sweetest. 

It sounds so sappy, but I'd keep all of these people with me. They'd be there in the little things; whenever I pick up a book, or watch something in IMAX, when I'm stuck in traffic, snorkelling over a reef, or cuddling koalas, and I'll wish that they could see it too. I'll have to take a bunch of photos.

This day next year... I'll be in my last few weeks of work and shit will be getting real!