Today has been tough for me in general - hell, this week has been tough. We've got sale starting, a new area manager to get used to, and I feel like I'm drowning in things to do, but today was hard.
It's this poxy song from Nickleback, I think it's called 'Photograph'? It's the Friends one, that they play for the last episode? I'm using it as the background song for a little farewell montage, but if it shuffles on my iPod... well, that's it. I burst into tears along the A13 this morning. Then, when I got into work, I saw someone's resignation taped to the noticeboard and phoned the solus store's manager - and cried down the phone to her too. It's hard being a manager sometimes.
I think some people assume that because it's us doing the leaving, that it must be easy; that we don't care, or can't love people enough to stay. That's not true. It's difficult beyond words, and here I go welling up again. I have to stop myself clinging on to family or friends longer than necessary, or crying uncontrollably every time I see them, because I know these casual moments can only last so long and there'll come a time where seeing my family will be a huge deal. I know that everyone will want to come to the airport and that's going to be incredibly hard. There'll be my Mamma, doing her best not to cry and getting a little red nose anyway, and my Nanna just blubbering away in the corner, and my Aunty Egg trying to hide the fact that she's leaking tears. Then there's everyone else giving death-grip hugs and I'll actually be an emotional wreck. On one hand, I don't want people to come to the airport so their lasting memory isn't of me balling my eyes out, but then I don't want to deny anyone, or myself, of that last hug. I do wish Australia wasn't quite such a long or expensive flight away.
I really want to write a little family post, so that when we go and I give them the link, they have a nice little thing to read, but I think I need to work up some courage for that one.
On the plus side, the goodbyes will be behind us this time next year and the hardest bit will be over.
No comments:
Post a Comment