A Letter From my Younger Self

So I had a little read through my old, old blog today (don't go there. Ever.) and found a little gem that really makes me cringe, but it really makes me happy too. I'm glad my previous self wrote more than I do now. So here is a letter I wrote for an older me back in 2010! I've added comments along the way, so you can see what a difference four years can make.

To...an older me,

Hey! How you doing? 

Celebrities like to publish books on letters to their younger selves. A lot of people look back and reminisce, some regret and a few would rather forget. Well this one's for you, Lydls, to make sure you're not looking back in ten years time and thinking 'I had aspirations back then...what went wrong?'.

Ugh, why did I think being called Lydls was cool? 

Precisely as I'm writing this, it's 22.50 on Tuesday 3rd August 2010. I'm on the laptop, sitting on the bed, 'Sam's Town' is playing. Ben, Goose, Tom and Daryl are playing COD - they all look pretty fixated by it, but to me it's just noise. Annoying, but in a sad way it's comforting; it's a sound that I hear a lot when the guys are together and happy. Currently, you're living life as a student, without the education and the hefty loan to go with it. You're squashed into a room with two brothers, and a slightly neglected Jasper in the shed. There's mess everywhere - clean clothes in one pile, dirty in another, plates, cups, glasses, make up, CD's, DVD's; it's all thrown around the room, but I could sure as hell find most things better than if it was cleaned. Give me a few minutes - we're going to Tescos.

Whoa, a lot of changes here. It's 1.30pm on Tuesday 11th March, 2014. I no longer use a brick as a laptop, I have a flashy touch screen model instead. I'm listening to the soundtrack of 'Frozen' (For The First Time In Forever - 'Wow am I so ready for this chaaaange!'). I have no idea where Ben, Goose, Tom and Daryl are in the world right now, but no doubt they haven't changed the fact that they're playing COD. Me and Ben are no longer an 'us' - sometimes peoples dreams are too different, and then we meet someone who's dreams match our own. You can't help who you love, and for me, it's my beautiful Nicky, who is at work fixing motorbikes right now. Eddie (the dog) is snuggling me - it's cosy! I no longer live a student life, but instead have a grown up job that I work hard at, drive, and pay my bills. There's not mess everywhere, but the room could do with a tidy. Oh, and I don't shop in Tescos as much any more.

Ok, so I didn't come back in a few minutes - but you should have guessed that. We went Tescos, nommed out, watched the green mile, and had a lay in with Benjamin. So... a little reminder of where certain people are right now - Squirt is in Conwy, Ben's in the bog, most of our little group is counting down the days until they migrate to Uni, and one person is helping their Mum move. I'm still in bed.

Jess is working in an office. I don't know where the other person is and the only Uni people I know now are my staff.

Be honest with yourself - you're a little disappointed you didn't make it to Uni. You could have done, you're bright enough to, but it wasn't in your heart. So...don't ever let it get to you. If you apply for something, you want to do something and you can't because you don't have a degree, then it's not for you is it? On the other hand, don't forget that you promised to keep learning things. Motorbikes, cars, guitars mainly. Don't let yourself slip into putting them off, because you never will get round to them. Remember - you wanted to learn the mechanics of these vehicles too, not just how to drive them.

Pfft. I didn't need Uni, I've done just fine by myself. I do wish I'd learnt another language though, rather than the art GCSE I've never used. I attempted to learn to ride a bike. HA! As for the mechanics of it, I think Nick would rather a bike was never serviced than let me at it. I'm trying the guitar again, and you can tell I'm putting effort in this time because the tips of my fingers are numb. I've built a guitar, so that counts too I think. Oh - and I can drive, and I know how to check my spark plugs. That's not a bad achievement. I haven't stopped learning either; I'm doing pole dancing at the moment and I've mastered (kinda) pyrography.

So most of our group is shifting to Uni in a countdown that consists of less than 30 days. I haven't really thought about it much, but now I do - I'm going to miss them immensely. They'll be back every so often, I know they will. So make sure you don't forget the good times you had with these people. You may or may not lose touch with them, but never forget JJ's, sneaking into clubs underage, the times they brightened or saved your shifts, days out, the zoo, Southend, Thorpe Park, Shoebury. The list goes on, and you have plenty of pictures, so keep looking at them, keep reminding yourself of the beautiful people you have surrounding you.

I see about four people that I used to, out of about thirty. But I kept the best lot.

Don't forget the things you promised you would achieve. If you are still stuck in McDonalds then you're actually stupid and you are actually a failure - Get the hell out of there! You're more than likely not in Macs, so...any of these ticked off yet? ; You said that you would travel the world before you settled into anything, that you'd work and move from country to country, you said you'd go to Oz for three months with Squirt - if this hasn't been done yet, find her, go now - you gave your word that you would. You wanted to watch the Northern Lights, wanted to see the sun set and rise over the Grand Canyon, wanted to have a beautiful wedding. These three have always been your dreams, so make them a reality. You wanted to make a ridiculously high bet in the Bellagio, work with lions in Africa, swim with dolphins in Tenerife and climb up a live volcano. Don't forget to live the dream, stop saving up thousands per trip - if you haven't already, just leave. Just go, and earn your money along the way. It is possible. When you come back, don't forget that you wanted to work in the police force. That the military police is on your mind, but you also like the idea of horse mounted police. All of this is possible, don't think it's not and don't give up because it's not falling in your lap. Don't settle for anything less, but if you're offered something amazing, take it.

Well, I'm not in McDonalds anymore - thank fuck! Our'pack-up-and-go' trip is only a year away, and don't you worry, I will make it to the Bellagio before camping at the Grand Canyon. Like I said, not everyone shares your dreams with you, but I'm lucky enough to have found Nick and we went looking for the Northern Lights in Iceland. Failed. But we did snorkel in glacier water between two continents, so not a waste! I know we'll have a beautiful wedding because I've never felt more happy and confident in my life. I've swum with dolphins, but not in Tenerife, and Jess is more than welcome to visit me in Oz. The police? Really, Lydia? Were you desperate? I can't forget to add lions, volcanoes and storm chasing to my to-do list.

Don't neglect Nanna, Aunt Egg, Tracy, Hayley, Grandad. They're amazing. Remember peoples birthdays. If you win the lottery, they're the first to receive a significant share. Make sure Egg moves to Devon, she'll never be happy unless she does. Make sure you have a beautiful wedding, and make sure in a few years time, before you have kids, you get your beach house in Devon. Make sure they grow up learning how to surf - not slang. Keep your promise and never have bratty children - because you can't stand them! Don't let them go to a concert before the age of 16 - see previous posts, Lydia, and remember how fucked off you were. Oh....and don't forget you wanted to ride a horse along the beach, so make sure you know how to ride properly.

Eesh, I still forget Birthdays. But if I won the lottery, my family are still just as important, except my mum would be included in the list too. My beach house won't be in Devon, it'll be on the Gold Coast. With turtles. The rest is still pretty much the same.

Write those letters you wanted to, encourage others to write theirs, get back in touch but make it on your terms - show them that they were wrong. Take your brother somewhere amazing, and visit Daniel wherever he may be. Let yourself get emotional, and let yourself regret a few things - regretting doesn't show weakness, it shows you've learnt. Remember things you've regretted before and don't make the same mistakes. Never forget the people that were there for you, and the people that said they were there - they never were.

I've learnt from my mistakes, that's for sure. Letters were written, but never sent, but it didn't matter anyway - we're all back together now. Florida was a double whammy, with my little and big brother. Stick me in front of an episode of Vampire Diaries or Originals, and watch the emotions run wild!

It's hard, because there's so much you'll need to remember and some you'll forget. But just make sure you're having fun, and never get complacent. If you read this and realise you haven't done what you wanted - then go and do it. If you read and realise that life is pretty much on track - then you go girl. Don't stop now.

Girl - you on track ;)

Things aren't going to fall in your lap - keep working for them, because you can be a hard worker. Carpé Diem xxx

I lost people, and I gained people, but I've surrounded myself with the very best. I've achieved and failed, but I've done the best I could. This time next year, I'll be reading this and it would have changed even more, but at least I got there in the end.